Did you hear the one about the attacking low-rise v-string? (Not a G-string. This model is a variant of it.)

No joke now. Macrida Patterson, 52, alleges that when she went to put on the garment a decorative metallic piece flew off and struck her in the eye. I’m not sure how such a thing could happen unless it was so tight it became a slingshot.

Her lawyer claims there was a design flaw and that she has damage to the cornea that will affect her the rest of her life. This odd-sounding lawsuit was filed June 9, in Los Angeles Superior Court.

It’s probably safe to say that the company being sued, Victoria’s Secret, is more likely to settle out of court, rather than go through the expensive process of defending itself.

Therein lies the problem.

Frivolous lawsuits are costing Americans billions of dollars every year according to a 2007 ABC News Law & Justice Unit report. In a recent Tillinghast-Towers Perrin study, our tort liability system showed that it cost each of us $886 annually, totaling $3,544 for a family of four.

That’s because we all unknowingly pay a non-deductible “lawsuit tax.” It’s the price retailers and manufacturer’s incur when they pay for liability insurance, or when they pay settlements and jury awards. They pass that on to the consumer in the form of higher prices.

Lawsuit abuse affects all Americans on different levels. Throw in U.S. businesses which are four times more likely to file frivolous lawsuits than are individuals, and you have a mega problem, folks.

The National Federation of Independent Business has been warning the public for years that these excessive and unnecessary lawsuits are changing our behavior and culture. Those that profit from meritless litigation, namely unscrupulous personal injury lawyers, also view local governments as “deep pockets.”

Cities and counties, as well as the state and the nation, are routinely sued over everything from cracks in the sidewalk to road conditions. Individual’s filing lawsuits have been known to get some outrageous settlements.

Remember when that woman burned herself with a cup of McDonald’s coffee in the 1992 court case? When that New Mexico jury awarded her $2.9 million in damages they had no idea of the Pandora’s box that they would open.

That amount is small change now. The infamous $54 million “fancy pants” lawsuit filed against a Washington dry cleaners is more reflective of the current sue-happy money madness.

The New York Daily News reported last year that a photographer sued a waste management company for $50 million after he fell off a garbage truck that he had climbed on to take better pictures.

Schools and hospitals are good targets for ruthless litigants. The Charleston Daily Mail filed a report recently about a school district that was sued by a student who received a failing grade. Nothing is too outrageous.

According to a Pennsylvania newspaper, the Allentown Morning Call, a patient is blaming the local hospital, “...for not noticing she was high and that her heroin or cocaine needle was broken and still stuck in her arm when she received an antidepressant.” This audacious claim was actually filed in a Pennsylvania courthouse.

Phillip Howard, chairman of Common Good, a legal reform coalition, was recently quoted as saying, “We took a wrong turn in American justice about 40 years ago. Judges have been sitting on their hands and letting people claim anything, and the effect is not better justice, it is worse justice.”

The competition for most outrageous lawsuit is never-ending. One woman sued an open-air mall after she was “attacked” by a squirrel on the grass, claiming that the mall “failed to warn her” about these animals, according to the Chicago Sun-Times.

Then there’s the guy who was glued to the toilet seat at a WalMart store this month. You bet he’s going for the bottom line when it comes to his claim. Oddly, this is the second time in three years a WalMart store has been confronted with this sticky situation.

The U.S. Chamber of Commerce noted in a recent report, “...one frivolous lawsuit can put a small business out of business.” That makes me think about the recent fate of the Arctic Circle restaurant in Eureka.

According to the Institute for Legal Reform, more than three-quarters of all small business owners in America are concerned they might become the target of a frivolous or unfair lawsuit.

As It Stands, try to be alert for dangerous things like v-strings, squirrels, and unscrupulous lawyers.

Dave Stancliff is a columnist for The Eureka Reporter. He is a former newspaper editor and publisher.
For comments his e-mail address is richstan1@suddenlink.net.